9999 Effective On All Straight Men
by MissAthenasGirl
Summary: Lauren Zizes has a second chance opportunity with the wrestler she had a crush on. Brittany, Santana, Mercedes, and Quinn help her out. One-shot. I suck at summaries. Just read.


_Hey, I'm back! I got the inspiration for this when I was listening to the "Legally Blonde: The Musical" soundtrack. Slight warning: this is a little AU/OOC for all characters. Un-beta'd, so bear with me on this, please. Hope you enjoy it!_

_**Bold italics **__are lyrics._

_Italics _are thoughts.

_Disclaimer: I do not own 'Glee.' If I did, Lauren would have joined the club back in Season 1!_

**Wrestling Tournament:**

**McKinley High Trojans vs. Carmel High Sharks**

**Gym 2:00 pm**

Lauren Zizes was walking to the bus when she saw this poster. _Carmel High. That means…Kyle Knightly will be here!_

The raven-haired girl's excitement dissipitated as quickly as it came as she remembered what happened on the mat at last year's Nationals. They were their competition, and she nailed him down, seriously injuring him. _He would never forgive me, _she thought sadly.

Just then, Kyle came walking down the hallway. _God, he's still as amazing as ever!_

He stopped right in front of her, looking confused. He looked around and then back at her, asking, "Excuse me, but do you know which way the gym is?"

Lauren was shell shocked. She slowly raised her finger in the direction of the gym, still frozen. Kyle, oblivious to this, gave her quick thanks and headed down the way. Just before he turned, he looked back at her and said, "You know, I would love it if you came today, if you can." Then, he smiled brightly again, and headed down the hallway.

Rounding the corner were the cheerleaders: Brittany, Santana, Mercedes, and Quinn. They saw the whole exchange and decided to help out their fellow teammate.

Out of nowhere, they went up to Lauren and started talking to her.

"Hey, Lauren, that guy is a major 'go-for-it.'" Quinn said.

"Yeah, he is _so fine_!" Santana exclaimed.

"He seems nice," Mercedes added.

"He looks like he has really soft skin," Brittany said, looking out-of-it.

"Guys, a guy like him would never go out with a girl like me."

"Why not, aren't you both wrestlers?" Quinn questioned.

"Yes, but I broke half his body last year in competition. He will definitely not go out with me," Lauren stated.

"Well then, you obviously don't know the bend-and-snap." Quinn remarked.

"You mean that weird thing they did in 'Legally Blonde'?"

"Yeah, it works every time. Elle swears by it," Brittany added.

"It's 99.99% effective on all straight men," Mercedes said matter-of-factly.

"Look, we'll show you how to do this," Santana said.

"I don't get why you are all being so nice…"

"Sweetie, we're a team now," Quinn told her.

"We are trying to help you, just go with it!" Santana said, annoyed.

"…"

"If you ever tell anybody that I told you this, I'll deny it; but you've got the pom-poms; it's time to shake 'em!" Santana said the last part with spirit that envied any other Cheerio.

"Ready?" Mercedes asked.

"OK!"

_**Santana:  
Look at my ass  
Look at my thighs  
I'm cat nip to the guys  
They chase my tail  
They drool and pant  
Wanna touch this  
But they can't**_

(All)  
NO!

Santana:  
All the boys wanna come and play  
Snap my fingers and they obey  
Why do they follow me 'round all day?  
Watch me while I walk away

(All)  
I bend and snap

(Santana)  
Feel how hot it's gettin'

(All)  
Bend and snap

(Santana)  
And when you got them sweatin'

(All)  
Spring the trap  
They cheer and clap

(Santana)  
No tight end  
Can defend  
Against the bend and snap

(Lauren)  
Oh, that's easy for you to say

(Brittany)  
And you  
Girl, if you wanna make the team  
Then fake some self-esteem

(Mercedes)  
The more you jump around and scream  
Then the sexier you seem

(Lauren)  
Please  
Sorry girls, that ain't how I play  
This wouldn't work if I tried all day  
I gotta go get my asthma spray  
Watch me while I walk away

(Brittany)  
No wait before you walk away  
Just...

(All)  
Bend and snap

(Lauren)  
OW!

(Brittany)  
Look how good you're getting

(All)  
Bend and snap

(Mercedes)  
I'ma bet right now you sweatin'

(All)  
Spring the trap  
They cheer and clap

(Santana)  
So depend  
On your friend  
Called the...

(All)  
Bend...

(Quinn)  
It's not the time to overthink  
Just try it once, he'll buy you a drink

(Random girl)  
Excuse me, would you teach me that  
I am tired of living alone with my cat

(Quinn)  
Sure

(Random Cheerio)  
I'm sorry, I don't mean to impose

_**But this is how we do it in the Cheerios**_

_**Come on, Lauren**_

(Brittany)  
Doesn't this look fun

(Kurt)  
Works every time

(Santana)  
Look, do it and we'll go away

(Lauren)  
Okay, okay, okay, okay

(All)  
Bend and snap

While the girls performed, they did not notice the small crowd of boys gathering around them. They seemed thoroughly impressed.__

(Guys)  
Damn!

Lauren noticed that they were talking about her. She felt a small smile creep across her lips…

_**(Lauren)  
Hey wait a second  
When I beckoned  
Look how the guys came running  
Like I'm...'**_

(Guys)  
Kickin'

(Lauren)  
Finger...'

(Guys)  
Lickin'

(Lauren)  
Like I'm

(Lauren and guys)  
friggin', wicked stunnin'

(Lauren)  
Will you pay for stuff I buy

(Guys)  
Yes

(Lauren)  
And bake me cake and pie

(Guys)  
Yes

(Lauren)  
And hold me when I cry

(Guys)  
Yes

(Lauren)  
And I will tell you why  
I'm too rockin' to walk away  
All the boys come and gawk away  
Droppin' jaws from a block away  
Watchin' how I walk away

(Guys)  
We love to watch her walk away

(Lauren)  
I bend...

(All)  
and snap

(Lauren)  
Now look how hot it's gettin'  
Bend and...

(All)  
and snap

(Lauren)  
I'ma bet right now your sweatin'

(All)  
Spring the trap  
They cheer and clap

(Lauren)  
I depend on my friend

(All)  
Go Lauren, Go Lauren

(Lauren)  
I depend on my friend

(All)  
Go, go, go Lauren

(Lauren)  
I depend on my friend  
Called the bend and snap

Riffing

(Everyone)  
Bend and snap  
Bend and snap  
Bend and snap  
Bend and snap  
Bend and snap  
Bend and snap  
Bend and snap

Rounding the corner was Kyle, once again going unnoticed at first. Then seeing the dancing girls…

_**(Lauren)  
I'm gonna step aside  
I'm gonna get me some...KYLE!**_

(Kyle)  
Lauren, Did I leave my helmet?

Lauren froze in place, _it's Him!_ She suddenly felt the object being shoved into her hands.

"Do it," Quinn whispered softly.

Lauren inconspicuously dropped the helmet on the floor. Then…

_**(Cheerleaders)  
Bend and snap...**_

No one noticed Kyle reaching for the headgear simultaneously. Lauren went for the snap, and…__

(Lauren)  
Aghhh...O CRAP!

"Kyle, are you OK?"

"Yes Lauren, I'm absolutely…stunning."

At this, Lauren pulled back in surprise. She was shocked. No one had ever called her stunning before; and of all people: Kyle Knightly, her competition, who she pummeled!

"Hey, are you free tonight? We could go to the movies. I was thinking before hand we could go to Breadstix…" Kyle rambled on.

"Of course, only if you pay."

"A real man pays the bill on the first date."

After discussing the plans and exchanging numbers, Lauren came back beaming.

"So…," inquired Mercedes.

Still smiling, Lauren said, "We have plans for dinner and a movie tonight…and plans-to-be-made for this weekend!"

The girls all silently did a happy dance, knowing they were successful.

"See…works every time!" Brittany said enthusiastically.

"It sure does."

_Sooo… waddya think? I hope the end wasn't too lame. It might have seemed sort of rushed, but I was riddled with writer's block right at the end. R&R please; speak your mind. Depending on feedback, there could be a sequel…_

_Song: Bend and Snap-Legally Blonde: The Musical _


End file.
